I'm writing this a bit late, but this happened on May 7th.
There is some information that you learn that I don't think you ever really recover from. There are some things that when you learn about it, you can never go back. I remember reading a short story once called Before/After and now I really understand what it's talking about.
Max slept with Tess and Tess is pregnant.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked Emma about the future back home. I had really wanted to ask about the future with Peter, but I was too scared to hear that truth. Somehow I thought asking about Max would be easier and... it wasn't.
And then I was so stupid and went to talk to Peter of all people about it. I still wonder if that was a mistake? He seemed to understand, but I went to my boyfriend about being upset about my ex.
I don't know how to feel or how to think. I can't...
Corbie told me I shouldn't have said anything to Peter. I wonder if he has doubts about us now? I'm going to have to try to figure something out. He doesn't deserve this.
....
I had a really big fight with Kitty. It was... I can't believe it happened. I yelled and she swore and the whole thing seems so - I don't know if she'll ever want to talk to me again.
She was right about a few things. I didn't pay enough attention to what she was saying and missed all the significant stuff. I didn't realize she was hurting to much about losing someone at the Inn and that there was also another someone about her necklace and... I'm basically just the worst. Kitty might be my teacher, but she's also my friend and I've been ignoring her. Now I don't know what to do about it.
It seems like I have a lot of people I need to make things up to.
And even though I know I was in the wrong, I still can't help but feel like Kitty sees how I feel through some strange 'you're just a kid' lens. Maybe that's just something I'm worried about in general, but the idea that I might only feel like Peter and I are meant to be together because we're stuck so close together - that doesn't sit right with me. I don't think that's true at all. I don't believe the only reason why we like each other is because we're stuck here.
...
And I finally admitted to someone other than Peter I have some weird ability and Kitty said some things. I know I'm not special. It's not even something I want to have. It's too invasive and not fair to Peter at all. But the way Kitty talked about it... I wish I didn't feel so little about it. Like I'm swimming in a sea of all these people who can do great things with themselves and their lives and I'm just an outlier and a waste of space. Like maybe I shouldn't have this ability. I probably shouldn't, anyways. I only have it because Max healed me. Maybe...
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timeasmymeasure
May 11
Date: 2018-05-28 01:39 am (UTC)There is some information that you learn that I don't think you ever really recover from. There are some things that when you learn about it, you can never go back. I remember reading a short story once called Before/After and now I really understand what it's talking about.
Max slept with Tess and Tess is pregnant.
Maybe I shouldn't have asked Emma about the future back home. I had really wanted to ask about the future with Peter, but I was too scared to hear that truth. Somehow I thought asking about Max would be easier and... it wasn't.
And then I was so stupid and went to talk to Peter of all people about it. I still wonder if that was a mistake? He seemed to understand, but I went to my boyfriend about being upset about my ex.
I don't know how to feel or how to think. I can't...
Corbie told me I shouldn't have said anything to Peter. I wonder if he has doubts about us now? I'm going to have to try to figure something out. He doesn't deserve this.
....
I had a really big fight with Kitty. It was... I can't believe it happened. I yelled and she swore and the whole thing seems so - I don't know if she'll ever want to talk to me again.
She was right about a few things. I didn't pay enough attention to what she was saying and missed all the significant stuff. I didn't realize she was hurting to much about losing someone at the Inn and that there was also another someone about her necklace and... I'm basically just the worst. Kitty might be my teacher, but she's also my friend and I've been ignoring her. Now I don't know what to do about it.
It seems like I have a lot of people I need to make things up to.
And even though I know I was in the wrong, I still can't help but feel like Kitty sees how I feel through some strange 'you're just a kid' lens. Maybe that's just something I'm worried about in general, but the idea that I might only feel like Peter and I are meant to be together because we're stuck so close together - that doesn't sit right with me. I don't think that's true at all. I don't believe the only reason why we like each other is because we're stuck here.
...
And I finally admitted to someone other than Peter I have some weird ability and Kitty said some things. I know I'm not special. It's not even something I want to have. It's too invasive and not fair to Peter at all. But the way Kitty talked about it... I wish I didn't feel so little about it. Like I'm swimming in a sea of all these people who can do great things with themselves and their lives and I'm just an outlier and a waste of space. Like maybe I shouldn't have this ability. I probably shouldn't, anyways. I only have it because Max healed me. Maybe...