I used to think that when I felt ready, things would just be easy and everything would fall into place. I'd know what to do and what to say and how to feel. In reality, I have no clue.
I feel like I'm ready. I know I want to go all the way with Peter. I want him to be my first. I want him to have my body and for me to have his, but that's somehow not enough.
I can't believe I had a flash. I've never had one where I saw someone doing something so... intimate. I know I have to tell Peter, but I have no idea how to tell him without making it embarrassing for him. I don't want to lie, either.
Somehow, I have to tell him.
------------
I can't sleep, so I need to write this down.
Before the whole awkward make out thing, we had a talk. I wanted to tell Peter about the future I'll never have back home. The one where I get married in Vegas to Max. I wanted to tell him because I chose to give that up. I made that decision. And I wanted him to know that my decision was to be with him no matter what. That even if I came back to my world and he wasn't around, I don't think I'd marry. It wouldn't be fair to the person I'm with as my heart would always be elsewhere.
It didn't go over well.
I know Peter loves me. I know it. But I can't help the voice that whispers sometimes that... maybe he isn't with me 100%. Like he's holding back from me. And it breaks my heart.
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timeasmymeasure
May 1
Date: 2018-05-07 02:09 am (UTC)I used to think that when I felt ready, things would just be easy and everything would fall into place. I'd know what to do and what to say and how to feel. In reality, I have no clue.
I feel like I'm ready. I know I want to go all the way with Peter. I want him to be my first. I want him to have my body and for me to have his, but that's somehow not enough.
I can't believe I had a flash. I've never had one where I saw someone doing something so... intimate. I know I have to tell Peter, but I have no idea how to tell him without making it embarrassing for him. I don't want to lie, either.
Somehow, I have to tell him.
------------
I can't sleep, so I need to write this down.
Before the whole awkward make out thing, we had a talk. I wanted to tell Peter about the future I'll never have back home. The one where I get married in Vegas to Max. I wanted to tell him because I chose to give that up. I made that decision. And I wanted him to know that my decision was to be with him no matter what. That even if I came back to my world and he wasn't around, I don't think I'd marry. It wouldn't be fair to the person I'm with as my heart would always be elsewhere.
It didn't go over well.
I know Peter loves me. I know it. But I can't help the voice that whispers sometimes that... maybe he isn't with me 100%. Like he's holding back from me. And it breaks my heart.