st_hotflashes | Aftermath (Peter)

She wanted to kick herself.

"Sorry..." Liz was starting to wonder if she saw things more when one or both of them were thinking or feeling something strong. She hadn't seen anything in Europe, for example.

"You don't always have to apologize for it," he tells her, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "It's something that just happens."

She felt like she did, even if she knew he accepted it.

Liz opened her eyes and lifted her head. "This is the first time I saw something at the Inn." She paused. She hadn't expected the Inn to be off-limits or anything, but it was pretty recent. "It was, um, what happened in the cave, actually."

She had made a promise to always tell him what she saw.

"Oh," he says to that. And for an instant, he's not sure what to say at all. Finally he decides on it:

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, also trying to figure out what to say. She pressed her lips together softly.

"It's okay, you know. Um. If we're ever in danger again. It wouldn't be your fault, if something happened. And I wouldn't blame you."

"I know," he says. "About you not blaming me."

The not being his fault thing was something he wasn't sure he could process. Not after Ben.

She reached out to cup his cheek and leaned in, trying to meet his eyes. "I mean it. You can't be responsible for the two of us and I make my own choices. Like back on the space station. I wasn't going to leave you, but that was my choice." If they'd have blown up, it wouldn't be on him.

Her gaze softened a little. "I know it won't actually help me saying that, but I wanted you to hear it anyways." Just like she was always going to feel responsible for the flashes she saw. They were both kind of stubborn that way.

She searched his eyes for a moment, wanting to ask him something, but hesitated.

"I know," Peter says. There's a part of him who knows that getting over all the baggage that came with Ben's death isn't going to be easy. He's not sure if there's any way he can ever truly get over that. There was time when the guilt felt too much and the only thing he could really do was try and make up for it by being someone who acted, no matter what the risk.

Peter's gaze doesn't quite make Liz's own.

It broke her heart that she couldn't offer solace to Peter. She wasn't even sure there was a way to help him other than be there for him.

"I wish I could show you things, like I see yours. I wish you could feel the way I feel sometimes." Sometimes words weren't enough.

She paused. "Will you take me somewhere?"

Peter dampens his lips.

"Where do you want me to take you?"

Liz reached for the night stand and pulled out the drawer. Then out came the smartphone from Europe. She pulled up the map. It was useless without internet for actual directions, but she could still pull up the map. It was also a little inaccurate since according to the map on the phone they were surrounded by other buildings, too, but the landscape was the same.

It took her a moment to manipulate the map before she held out then phone for him to see. She pointed at a point on land, but close to a big body of water. Near the beach, actually.

"We could take on of the Inn's bicycles to get us there quicker." She didn't actually expect him to carry her all that way.

Peter's not opposed to the suggestion, but there's one thing he's still wondering.

"Why there?" he asks.

"Because there's something we both need to do there." She wasn't sure explaining it beforehand would be effective. She just had this... Hunch. It was based off some reading she did and something in her guy.

She gave a soft smile. "It's okay if you don't want to."

"No, no, it's fine," Peter quickly assures her. "Did you want to go now?"

Liz nodded. "There's enough time for us to do it and still have light to come back if we leave now." She wondered if Peter really was okay with going or if he was only doing it for her.

"Okay," Peter says, nodding. "Let's do it, then."

Riding as a passenger on a bike made Liz feel like she was twelve years-old again. It was a nice, nostalgic feeling, though she wondered if Peter had similar memories growing up in a big city.

When they got to their destination, it was a 40 foot cliff overlooking the ocean. The beach they had played on was close by, but at the edge of the cliff it was just straight down into deep blue. The ocean seemed calm today and the sky was clear.

Liz climbed off the bike and with the use of her cane, hobbled over toward the edge, looking out at the vast horizon.

Peter gently sets the bike down on the ground, then follows a few steps behind Liz. He stops when she does, but when she looks out at the horizon, he doesn't.

He just looks at Liz.

She looked out at the horizon for another moment, feeling his eyes on her.

"I want to jump." She turned her head to look at him. "I want us to jump together."

It seemed impossibly high, though she had checked the height and depth three times for safety already, and it terrified her to do it... And that's why she knew she needed to do it. And she wanted to do it with him.

Peter's brows furrow at that. This was completely and totally not what he was expecting when he rode them here on the bike.

"Liz, are you being serious?"

She pressed her lips together and nodded. "I know it sounds crazy." Like, really crazy. "But... um."

Liz paused, trying to figure out how to explain it. "It's scary to jump. I'm scared to jump." She turned and looked down at the water that seemed impossibly far below even though she new mathematically it was fine. She stared at the water. "It seems like, you know... like jumping is something I can do. I remember going to a lake once and there was this bridge kids were jumping off of, and I wanted to be like them, so I went up there and I froze. Everyone else jumped, but I couldn't."

She wasn't sure if she was making any sense, but she kept going. "I feel... After what happened. I feel like - like that again. Like I'm up at the bridge and everyone else is jumping and I'm scared to jump too even though it'll be alright." She paused. "...and I'm scared I'm going to hurt you. That me being who I am is going to get in the way. But... you said it won't and I know... I know you're -"

Liz finally looked up at him. She didn't want to say scared, but she knew there were things in his way, bridges of his own - Maria would be brought of her analogies.

"If we jump together and survive, we can do anything together. Survive anything." Said the girl with a cane.

Peter isn't sure he understands.

"I don't need to jump with you to believe that we're going to survive this," he says. He doesn't. "I know you're not going to get in my way."

He can feel something in his chest shift slightly.

"But if you need this," he says, taking a step forward. "Let's do it."

She pressed her lips together and searched his eyes with a serious and imploring look. "Only if you're sure. Only if your comfortable." Because if he just did it because she wanted to, but felt uncomfortable, then it would be like them doing something in bed and only one of them truly consenting. It wouldn't sit well with her.

Liz paused and looked off to the side. She felt a little bit ashamed. "What I'm trying to say... I don't think I can jump without you..." Literally and metaphorically.

"Liz," he says, and he waits for her to make eye contact with him before he continues. "I really don't think that you need me to do it. You just -- you need a reason to do it."

Peter steps to the cliff's edge, and looks over at her.

"I'm going to be waiting for you at the bottom, okay?"

And then he jumps.

Before she could protest anything, Peter jumped and she watched with wide-eyed amazement when he did. She followed him to the edge, quicker than maybe she should have with her foot in said condition, and watched as he plunged into 40 feet into the water. She felt her chest seize.

She should jump. She should be there at the bottom when he emerges. But she couldn't do anything but look down at the water that still seemed so impossibly far down.

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