Be Careful What You Ask For (Closed to Peter)

[st_hotflashes]

Liz walked numbly through the Inn after having spoken with Emma. It was as if her body were on autopilot as her mind couldn't really focus or process anything directly. What it all meant, how she felt, if she was around to see it happen - these questions were like vague fog in her mind that she couldn't quite grasp.

She thought, ever so briefly, that she might find herself in front of Kitty or Piotr's door, but it was Peter's door she came to a stop at. Liz swayed a little as she stood there, staring blankly at the door. She did that for a good five minutes before she was able to will herself to lift her hand and knock. It was a quiet two rap knock.

When the door opened, when she lay eyes on Peter, the numbness seemed to ebb a little. She stared at him silently, then slowly her face began to twist and contort as anguish spread through her features. She didn't move an inch except for her face. Everything suddenly felt intense and Liz stood there, stiff, and started to cry unabashedly. Cried with every fiber of her being.

Comments

[st_arkintern]

Peter smiles at that. He's not sure why, but he somehow feels really happy knowing this.

"If you want, I can do it again," he says. "Later, when you're feeling better. The Italian and the science. Whichever you want, you can just tell me."

Peter was proficient in both.

[st_hotflashes]

She ducked her head just a little more, still embarrassed, but glad that he didn't seem weirded out about it. She heard herself admit something she didn't think she would - "I'm not sure I can control myself if you do that."

[st_arkintern]

"So you don't want me to?"

[st_hotflashes]

She looked up at the suddenly, almost panicked. "No!" She paused, then looked embarrassed about the panic.

Liz tried again with more calm, but her gaze dropped again.

"Lately, around you, when we do things... It's like I don't want you to stop. Like I'd do anything you'd ask of me. So... So what I'm saying is, um. That you might have to be the one to stop."

Her face felt like it was on fire. She hoped he wouldn't judge her too much for her words.

[st_arkintern]

Peter presses his lips together nervously.

"Does that mean you're ready to--"

Peter takes a breath. "--have sex?"

[st_hotflashes]

The question made her pause and she felt her chest seize.

"Um." She looked down, picking at imaginary fluff on her jeans. "Um, yeah. Yeah... I think I am."

Liz looked up pensively with a little worry. Would he be upset?

"Um. But that doesn't mean - that I need to or whatever. Not until you're ready too."

[st_arkintern]

"Yeah, yeah," Peter says, nodding. "I know. I just... I don't want you doing something you really don't want to do because you were suddenly caught up in the moment."

Peter reaches for Liz's hand. "You okay?"

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Why did she feel so strange admitting it? Maybe it was because she'd been told by society girls weren't supposed to be so open about all of this.

"You don't... Think differently of me, do you?"

[st_arkintern]

And like many things today, Liz's question comes as a surprise to Peter.

"No," he says, still looking at Liz uncomprehendingly. It hadn't even occurred to him that Liz might even be worried about this. "No, absolutely not."

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She looked up, her lips twitching a little as if wanted to smile but somehow reserved about the whole thing at the same time.

"You... Don't think I'm, um. easy?" That was her mom's word for it, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

[st_arkintern]

"No," he says. "I never thought that even once."

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The smile that formed from his words was quick and genuine. She took his hand tentatively. "It doesn't have to be anytime soon... But - but when you're ready, I'm yours Peter."

She managed to say it all without looking away, but she was blushing feverishly.

[st_arkintern]

"Thanks, Liz."

It seemed like a weird thing to say to something like that, but Peter wasn't sure what else to say.

He lets go of her hand and leans across the little space dividing them and gives her a hug.

[st_hotflashes]

She hugged him back, smiling. It somehow felt really good to get that off her chest even though there was a quiet worry in her that every time they got into it now Peter would worry she was expecting sex.

When she pulled back, she looked at him quietly. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to hold him, but she knew now might not be the best time, so Liz decided to change the subject.

"What's, um. What's a subject you didn't like at school?". She paused. "and PE doesn't count."

[st_arkintern]

That was an abrupt change of topic. But Peter takes it as a cue that the discussion is over. He's okay with that.

"I don't know," he admits. "I kind of liked all of them. There's just classes I liked less. What about you?"

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Liz was worried if they kept talking about it they might go into more dangerous territory. School was safer.

"Creative writing." She felt silly for admitting it. "I wasn't very good at it because I was always trying to make things perfect."

She felt dumb. That should be an easy class.

[st_arkintern]

Science and math were definitely easier for being perfect because there was only really one answer.

"Do you still write? Outside of essays for Ms. Rasputin, I mean?"

[st_hotflashes]

"Just my journal. I write in it everyday. I started doing it once I read about how a lot of scientists do it." She only had interesting things to say after Max saved her though.

[st_arkintern]

"Yeah? Why did they do it?"

[st_hotflashes]

"They do it to keep track of their thoughts but also any variables in their life that might change the outcome of experiments."

She looked a bit sheepish. "I haven't really written anything scientific in it yet."

[st_arkintern]

"There's nothing wrong with not being scientific," Peter says. "I enjoyed what I read. I just wish I could keep up and write my own."

He's never had the focus for something like journaling.

[st_hotflashes]

"What would you right in yours?" Even if Liz had the occasional flash, she wished she could read his mind sometime.

[st_arkintern]

"I don't know. It'd depend, I guess." Peter pauses, thinking. He's probably end up writing down a lot of the things he told Karen already. "Like today, I'd write something like..."

Peter speaks his next words more carefully, more deliberately:

"Today, Liz showed up at my door and she was really upset. I was really worried because this was probably the most upset that I've ever seen her. But I'm glad that she came to me. I'm always glad when she comes to me."

Peter stops there and thinks again.

"She told me that she'd found out with Emma's help that her ex-boyfriend had gotten another girl pregnant. I can understand why she feels the way she feels. Not just because she explained it to me, but also because I can sympathize even though I'm not actually a girl myself."

A beat.

"After that, we talked for a long time about a lot of things, like her friends and how we felt the first time we met and our favorite holidays and our favorite classes. I know some people might get bored talking about things like that all the time, but I think I could talk to Liz all day and not ever get tired of it."

He smiles at her. "And that'd be it for now. I might've added more if right now were the end of the day."

[st_hotflashes]

She listened and even though he spoke about Max and Tess, what he said felt really... nice.

By the end she was smiling.

"How do you do that?" She was smiling and looking at him with slight awe.

[st_arkintern]

"Do what?"