Consequences & Tough Choices (Peter)

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Liz laid there numbly on her bed over the covers looking out at the wall. She had cried herself out and now she just felt tired and stupid. She hadn't been able to look at Peter in the face, but she knew the words she said to him were things she should have never said. She didn't mean any of it, of course, but it felt like she needed to say it. She didn't want to be the wedge between Peter and potentially his daughter.

She stared at the journal from across the room, feeling the urge to reach out to Peter, but she can't muster it. She didn't want to face the damage she created, even though it was all probably for the best.

Comments

[st_arkintern]

Peter reaches out to her via journal first. It seems like the best thing to do. That way, if Liz didn't want to respond, she didn't have to the way she might if he showed up unannounced.

Did you want to talk?

[st_hotflashes]

Eventually Liz rolled off the bed and padded to the journal. She saw the message there waiting for her and she pressed her lips together.

How much do you hate me right now?

[st_arkintern]

0%

[st_hotflashes]

Even though her kitten was just a kitten, Liz was pretty sure if she cried more right now, he might lose it for some reason. Thankfully Peter's reply caused her shoulders to relax a little - just a smidgen.

I'd like to talk. I'm in my room. It's okay to use the key

[st_arkintern]

I'm coming right now.

True to his word, Peter's there a few minutes later. He briefly pauses at the door before he unlocks it, and with a deep breath, steps inside, closing the door behind him. When he finally finds her sitting on the bed, Peter finds himself awkwardly playing with his hands.

"Hey," he says.

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Liz was so drained from all the crying before that even if she felt the urge to do so again when she saw him. She also felt the urge to get up and hug him, but she stayed on the bed where she was, unsure if she could or should.

"I, um. I really messed up this time." Somehow, unlike with the time with Max, she couldn't maintain the lie around him. "I'm sorry, Peter."

She looked down at the comforter on the bed and let her fingers smooth out a little bubble.

[st_arkintern]

"It's okay," he says. "I know you've been through a lot lately. Annie was probably just the final straw."

Peter's still standing around uncomfortably. It feels uncomfortable standing while Liz is sitting.

"Can I sit down beside you?" he asks.

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At the question if he could sit, somehow it produces a laugh. It was a sad for of laugh, but it came out and she nodded.

"I just... I saw the way she looked at you and... I didn't want you to break her heart. And then I panicked and I... I don't know. I just thought it'd be easier if I wasn't in the picture to make things more complicated."

[st_arkintern]

"Annie's still little and she's still figuring things out," he says. "We don't even know if she's my kid or another Peter's."

Even though he barely knows her, he's already latched onto her. He knows that if he ever finds out definitively that she isn't his daughter, he'll actually be really sad.

"I'm going to have to talk to her about it eventually."

[st_hotflashes]

"Does it really matter if she's blood or not?" She was pretty sure she knew Peter enough to know how he might feel.

"Even if she's another Peter's kid, that other Peter is a part of you" The multiverse theory indicated they were all the same person just with different decisions made to change their path. "And she clearly already likes you a lot."

Liz finally found it in herself to look up at him. "It's not fair you have to let that doubt in to either of your hearts."

[st_arkintern]

"Maybe," Peter is willing to concede. That's as much as he's willing to admit. "I just know that it's got to be hard on you." He knows well that Liz wants them to be together forever, and while Peter wants desperately to believe that's possible, he can't believe it. All he can do is what Liz asked him to do that one night she showed up at his room drunk.

And act like it was something that could really happen.

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She looked down at her hands in her lap. "I'd be lying if I haven't thought about you and I having kids before." She felt maybe a little ashamed admitting it out loud.

"But it's not that." There waa probably an undercurrent of that. "If we're together, then I'm just a constant reminder that her could be dad isn't being faithful to her mom."

She paused.

"Or, if not, then I'm just some notch in Peter Parker's belt before he finds the real deal." That was another way to explain it, she knew. That teenagers date people all the time, but it's not serious. Not like her mom type serious.

[st_arkintern]

Peter is still fooling with his hands when he looks over at Liz. The tinge of hurt he felt at her describing their relationship just explodes beneath his skin when his eyes finally meet her.

"Is that what you think you are?" he asks. "Just a notch in my belt?"

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"No. Or, at least, I don't want to be." She blinked and there were a few silent tears that ran the course of her cheeks - tears she didn't she had left

"You know -" Liz paused. She couldn't tell him about Mr. Stark. That was later this afternoon. "Someone. They said yesterday they'd pay for our wedding one day. And it was the first time any of the adults talked about us like we were long term and serious and not just some... Teenage thing."

Where Peter demanded he be treated more like an adult, Liz just wanted her feelings to be, it seemed.

[st_arkintern]

Peter's brows furrow as he tries to conjure up who, if anyone, would ever make that promise at the inn. He can't think of a single adult who'd acknowledge that their relationship was ever going to be anything more than puppy love, let alone offer to pay for the wedding.

"I don't think you're just a notch on my belt," Peter says quietly. "I think you can really only call someone a notch on your belt if you don't really care about them."

[st_hotflashes]

His words pushed a small smile to her lips. A genuine smile that was only muddled by all the heavier feelings she felt at the moment.

"You're not that kind of person anyways..." She took a deep breath. Her chest felt heavy.

"...how's Annie?"

[st_arkintern]

"She's okay," he says. At least she seemed to be. "We finished off our pancakes and then she went off to explore the inn. I think she wants to be independent."

Peter's not exactly sure how independent an 8-year old should be, but if there was ever a safe place to foster independence, it'd probably be here.

Peter reaches into his pocket and pulls out the bracelet and then offers it to Liz.

"It's okay if you need some time," he says. "But I thought you should keep this for now. Until you're ready."

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Liz reached out for the bracelet, her fingers lingering a little against the warmth of his palm before she took the bracelet and held it in her palm. Her eyes ran over it.

"I'm not, not ready... It's not that. It's..." She pressed her lips together. "Don't you think it would hurt her to see us together?"

[st_arkintern]

"I don't know," Peter admits. He really doesn't. "I'm sure it's not going to be simple, but I don't think we should stop what we have. If you're really worried about it, we can just be careful about PDAs when she's around."

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She rolled the bracelet between two fingers idly, thoughtful. There were moments like this that Liz realized she most definitely wasn't an adult yet. She felt adult would know what to do.

"What do you want to do?" She looked over to him.

[st_arkintern]

Peter doesn't have a complex answer to that. He only has a simple one.

"I want to be with you."

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She inhaled softly and nodded, despite feeling happy, Liz's lips were pressed more into a frown.

"I want to be with you too, Peter." More than anything else.

[st_arkintern]

"Then we should do that," Peter says encouragingly. "So let's do that."

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A small, soft bark of a laugh as she exhaled pushed passed her lips .

"You always make things sound so easy." She wouldn't have it any other way, though.

Liz wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and then tentatively held out the bracelet. "Would you... my wrist's felt weird since I took it off." Which was true.

[st_arkintern]

"Yeah," Peter says smiling. He takes the bracelet into hand and wait for her to extend her arm, then carefully double-knots it back on.

"There." He looks up at Liz, and runs a hand over her hair. "We okay?"

[st_hotflashes]

Somehow the bracelet seemed to make her physically relax. Her smile is a little more warm now and she nodded. "Yeah... Yeah I think so."

God, she felt stupid. "I'm really sorry Peter." She also felt like she had been apologizing a lot to him too.

"Here I thought my life in Roswell was complicated." She tried to make a joke, half laughing but she lacked the full energy for it.

[st_arkintern]

"Yeah, well, Roswell just had aliens. You've got aliens, alternate dimensions, people from the future, people from the past, all kinds of people with powers, so --"

Peter smiles.

"-- I guess it's bound to be more complicated than Roswell."

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Liz gingerly reached out to lace her fingers with his. "Yeah... But if I had a choice, I'd choose to come here."

She shifted a little to face him, one leg coming up folded on the bed while still holding his hand. "Peter? I know you're going to say I don't have to, but I want to make this up to you somehow."

[st_arkintern]

Liz is right. She really doesn't have to. And even now, he has to fight back the compulsion to say it anyway.

"Did you have something in mind?"

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Liz had to think for a moment. Everything that came to mind sort of felt short of an apology for reacting like a crazy person. She wondered momentarily when she became that person. She was pretty sure she knew the answer and it started with a gun shot wound.

"I've been working on a surprise for a special dinner." She was pretty sure she got the pizza as close to New York style as possible. "We could maybe have dinner?" She paused. He was going to find out Tony Stark was here. "Or, tomorrow, if that's better. You can let me know later..."

Smooth Liz.

"And um... Well, I've been reading a book. I could practice what I've been learning, if you like." She realized she didn't specify and ducked her head a little. "Um, the book is how to give massages?"

She thought it might be helpful since Peter had to get sore sometimes from being a superhero.

[st_arkintern]

"Yeah, dinner'd be great," Peter says immediately, nodding. He'd gladly take any excuse to have dinner with her when he could.

But Peter pauses at the mention of a book. Then learning. And then a message.

"Like a back massage?" he asks, uncertainly.

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Liz paused too. "Um... yes? Or your shoulders or I mean, if that's really weird, we don't have too." Even though she didn't think she could have been capable at that very moment, Liz managed to blush. Was that a strange offer to make?

[st_arkintern]

"No, that's fine," Peter says quickly. "Let's do it."

A beat.

"Just not now." That'd probably be weird.

"I need to shower, though," he says. "When Annie wasn't in the room this morning I sort of panicked and just went straight downstairs."

[st_hotflashes]

She had meant after dinner - it would most definitely be weird at this very moment. She smiled though because Peter was probably the only boy she knew who would care about that sort of thing.

"Is she staying with you?" Which held nothing but a question to it. That, and she had to wonder if she was, how Alec was handling it. She wondered if Alec was good with kids.

[st_arkintern]

"She did last night because she couldn't sleep," Peter says. "I don't know what's going to happen tonight."

That much is true. If Annie showed up at their door again, Alec would almost certainly make a hasty escape and she'd be welcome to spend the night again. But Peter's not sure if last night was going to be a one-off or a regular occurrence.

[st_hotflashes]

"It must be scary to be in a big room by herself." Even Liz found the first few nights here unsettling. "And the rooms don't exactly look normal, either."

She looked a little thoughtful. "You should give her something." Her mind was still thinking. "I went through a time when I was scared of my room. My dad brought me to this reserve just outside of Roswell and had me pick a dream catcher. He said it would help keep me safe. It was easier for me to stay in my room after that."

What to give her, she didn't know off the top of her head. "Maybe you could make her something."

[st_arkintern]

"I was thinking about asking Corbie if she could help make her some stuffed toys," he says. "She says she used to sleep with a lot of them on a much smaller bed."

These beds were definitely much bigger than the twin bed Peter was used to back home, so he could understand how weird it probably was.

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"That sounds really nice." She smiled. If she was Annie's age, she'd probably like it a lot too. "But there's nothing quite like getting something right from your dad."

She ducked her head a little, pulling back a stray hair. "I'm sure it sounds a little silly, but it's like... You go to your mom for hugs, but you know your dad will be there no matter what to protect you."

"My dad made me this keychain once from those little beads you iron to make stuff. It looked so bad." Liz laughed a little, mostly from the stupid memory. "It was supposed to be a heart with his initial on one side and mine on the other, but he did it backwards and it didn't make any sense. Instead of saying J L it looked like a U. It was really lame."

Liz was smiling though. "But I carried it around with me for years."

She paused, then realized here she was talking about her dad when Peter's wasn't around. Her smile faltered. "Sorry."

[st_arkintern]

Peter listens to Liz and considers everything she's saying. He's not quite as crafty as Liz is, though.

"I'm thinking of making her web-shooters," he says. "They'd stay with me, but they'd be for her when we practice together. It's probably not as comforting as a stuffed animal is, though."

[st_hotflashes]

"I think she'd really like that, actually." Both because it was from Peter and if she was anything like Peter, she'd be hard pressed not to want to be a superhero.

"I guess that means she has powers like you then, right?"

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"Yeah," he says. "I thought I'd mentioned that."

He rubs at the back of his neck.

"They're not going to be really fancy like Mr. Stark's but... maybe that's better for a beginner."

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Mr. Stark... right. She wondered how she was going to get Peter to meet her somewhere later when Mr. Stark was ready to see him. She wondered how Peter would react. She knew he'd be happy. Liz felt the overwhelming urge to tell Peter right then and there, but she remembered how quietly frazzled the man had looked yesterday. Peter should see Mr. Stark when he was cool and collected.

"I don't think fancy means better." She smiled a little, meaning it.

She placed her hand on his chest lightly. "...Are you going to be okay?" Liz was already searching her eyes for his real answer in case he tried to minimize his answer.

[st_arkintern]

"Yeah," Peter says. "I'm sure I will. It's gonna take some time to adjust, but I'm sure things will calm down soon enough."

He takes a breath and smiles at Liz.

"I mean, what can be more surprising than having a possible-daughter show up from the future?"

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Liz offered him a smile in return, leaning forward to give him a soft, warm, simple kiss. When she pulled back, she didn't pull back completely. She wanted him to really feel her words.

"You, Peter Parker, are one of the most amazing people in all the worlds."

Her hand moved up to cup the side of his face. He was thrown such hard things and yet, he always endured. She wondered if he didn't realize how strong he actually was.

[st_arkintern]

Peter can't help but feel embarrassed about it. Liz definitely said things like that from time-to-time and he never quite knew how to respond.

But when her face is still hovering so close to hers, it seemed like the most natural response in the world to kiss her back.

And when he finally pulls away, he runs a hand along the back of her head.

"With everything that's going on, it's bound to be overwhelming for you," he says. "I know you're doing your best and I really hope you know that's enough."

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She felt like she should be doing more. Like somehow she should find a way to muster being totally fine with everything because that seemed like the grown-up thing to do.

She gave a small nod, even though she had doubts. Mentally Liz made a promise to try to come to terms with everything as quickly as possible, even if she wasn't sure it was a thing.

"I should, um. I should let you go take your shower, if you like. But... Can I message you later?"

[st_arkintern]

"Yeah," Peter says, nodding. "Definitely."

Peter stands up, then leans back down to give Liz a kiss. "I'll see you later?"

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Liz nodded again, her smile warming a little. "Okay."

Hopefully his run in with Mr. Stark would be okay too